Friday, November 13, 2009


Ok, I know this is kinda late, but I have been slow to write. It is hard keeping this blog thing up. Don't get me wrong I love doing it and have so many thoughts to put down, it's just finding the quiet time to do it!

So Halloween was the first with without Beck holiday. While most new moms fret about what to dress their baby up as, I was fretting on what to dress Becca, my dog, up as. I know it sounds funny, but since Beck is not here to dress up, I've got to have somebody to dress up.

I had a moment to think about what I would have been doing with Beck this Halloween, but then quickly pushed that out of my mind. I can sit and think of all the "what ifs" and "how it would be" all day, but that's not reality and it won't bring him back. Beck is not here and I have to accept that...He is gone, he won't be back and that's that. It helps me to be realistic about the harshness of the situation...confronting it head on and not having any illusions about the reality of it all is helping me heal.

All that being said...Halloween, went a lot better than I anticipated. I loved seeing the kids all dressed up. I was also surprised that instead of being mad, jealous, sad about what other people had and I didn't...I actually felt hopeful, knowing that Forrest and I will eventually be dressing our kids up in cute bug costumes someday, that we will have other years of firsts filled with so many great memories of the children we will have...I can't wait for that day!

So until that time comes, I am dressing my pets up, or should I say pet. Gracie will not wear costumes and barks at everybody, but Becca will wear them and she is great with kids. So as we handed out candy on our porch Becca greeted everybody as a big giant Banana! Halloween is great! Thanks Becca, for being such a good sport...If I ever need a to smile or good laugh, I just look at this picture...


  1. That banana costume is too funny!

    I'm so glad that you seem to be able to remember your precious Beck while moving forward in a healthy way.

    My brother lost his 20-year-old son Josiah in an accident two years ago, and is still deep in the throes of grief. The only thing that has started to bring him out of it is that recently they found out that his daughter is pregnant with a little boy, and she's due around Josiah's birthday.

    I know that you will have other children to dress up in Halloween costumes! Life goes on....


  2. I know for sure that all of your dreams will come true.

    Much love,